水曜日, 8月 21, 2013

I finally came back. Because I felt alone. I had neglected my loyal companion for so long. Because I didn't have time. But I have returned to your embrace which I hope is still warm.

8 Months.

I've worked with the company for 8 months and my stand remains, that the company is not for me. But I haven't exposed myself enough to assure myself that this isn't a result of my lacking determination; my ideal paradise that constantly warps my expectations; my incompetency.

And during which, I threw myself into another war which I wanted to fight in with everything I had. Stupidly went in without strong arms. And my spirit severely battered.

I found my way back into friendships which I thought I had lost. I learnt that for some things insistence does not solve. But I am still trying to convince myself of that and still figuring out when it is that it is necessary and when it is not.

So did I with family.

All so far has been alright.

But something is still not right.

9:07:00 午後

土曜日, 7月 20, 2013

I don't get why people are actually annoyed by the 2013 NDP song. Definitely not as catchy as Gangnam Style. But does it need to be radio chart worthy?

 I think we need to draw a distinction between effort and talent.

I think if there is no effort put into something, it deserves to be condemned because of how insincere the composer was in composing the NDP song especially since Singaporeans are extremely particular about it. It's our National Day, of course we want to sing a song that we feel proud to sing.

If the song just lacks star quality to be played over and over again on TV or on the radio, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad.

Too often people correlate results with sincerity. If the song is immediately catchy, if the song is well received by Singaporeans there is effort. It is a song that the nation should be proud of because Singaporeans sing it readily and are proud of it.

I think this being proud of seems to be based on a single cause & effect system. We can only feel proud and deem the song worthy if we like it.

Why can't we be proud of a song no matter how it sounds? Why can't we proud of any song written sincerely because this song was specially composed and dedicated to the nation?

Take for example, Chinese New Year Songs. You know how they all sound cheesy especially since, to make it more modern, composers remix them to electronic sounds, taking away the innocent harmonies which they were composed of originally.

But I'd gladly sing to them, although a little cheekily because I find them amusing but I think singing them cheerfully adds more mood to the festive season. Chinese New Year, it seems these days, is becoming bitter. Aggravated by increased stresses of financial issues.

We are pretty dead in the way we think. It seems like the only way for celebrations to be cheerful is if the Gods made them to be that way. We are not competent enough to inject a bit of joy into them ourselves.

Similarly, it seems like to can't sing to NDP songs and make them happy ourselves. We are awfully dependent on external instigators to excite our senses. Starts to make me wonder if some people will survive without the front part of their cortex.

Okay. I'm not being fair condemning opinions. No one is right or wrong. Then there should not be any outcry of dismay don't you think? And less so expressly.

12:32:00 午前

土曜日, 6月 22, 2013

Okay, I'm going to face it. I do want to switch to a new blog hosting website.

I want a blog where I can add more features. Multimedia would be a great addition to the current text feature which even I get tired reading. I don't wanna sound like I am forsaking Blogger (pssh no!), but alas, I want change.

Some months ago I thought I'd found it. I tried out Squarespace which was complicated at first. They had so many new features and the site had a tool bar that was obstructing my visualisation of my blog layout. The instructions were not very clear either. I did think that it could have been because I was just a noob in the geek sphere, contrary to how I look, regardless I was just utterly confused. But I forced myself to learn how to use it, partly because I was training myself to be a patient learner and I became more adept. I was finally starting to get hooked onto Squarespace until they ended my free trial.

I hate free trials. They just cheat you of your feelings.

So now I'm scouting for another one.

It has been nine days since the beginning of what I call Haze terror. Singapore's been a victim of the haze for many years now, it's an annual thing for us and it's the worst time for us. But never had it escalated to such a dangerous level.

The first day the Haze pervaded our lives this year, the news briefly mentioned the history of it's presence in Singapore. Said that the worst haze happened back in 1997 when the PSI reading hit a record high of 226. The news also talked about the different danger levels 100 to 200 being unhealthy, 200 to 300 being VERY unhealthy & anything above 300 being HAZARDOUS!

On the first 2 nights, PSI levels were already high, fluctuating in the unhealthy range. At PSI 170+ every one was becoming worried. We didn't know that a night later we'd get a reading of 290. AND that a day later, 400.

400 was like an apocalypse waiting to happen. Air conditioned rooms are no longer spared from the smog and the view out the window, frightening to say the least. Nothing was in sight! Everything was blanketed in dust and smoke. Everyone shut themselves in, doors and windows closed tight. Doesn't this sound like a scene in a zombie apocalypse?

Indeed, I do sound a tad too paranoid. But I'm asthmatic and have a very sensitive nose (I can smell coffee a mile away), naturally the alarms would scream in my head. But look, there is a reason why they call a reading above 300 hazardous. Just because we don't have a hazard symbol for air pollution doesn't make it less dangerous.

So the past few days had been the most worrying. I checked NEA's PSI read every hour and announced it every hour to my colleagues. I whatsapp my friends on the latest update especially when it hits a new high and am constantly begging them to protect themselves by wearing the N95 mask. At the back of my head End of the World music plays and when I look out the window, I picture the possibility that I will never get fresh air again, only to find a frown form upon my face.

Dramatic, yes indeed!

Today, 22 June 2013, 5pm, PSI reading 73.


5:06:00 午後

月曜日, 6月 03, 2013

I realized how blogging now signifies something more wonderful than before - that I am a living person with a soul.

Exam is in two days and we all know how the pre-exam period is like.

Works as hectic as ever but I'm coping better. I've learnt a lesson about coping with work, number one, do not ever assume a pleasant and nice persona. In other words, Get Your Bitch On!

That is the problem I face now. At flyer, I was the straight faced, gender-confused-looking person who doesn't give a shit, or at least I looked like I don't give a shit. Here I thought I should be friendlier, after all that means people treat you nicer right? WRONG! Well coupled by the fact that the environment is pretty autonomous given that the org structure is flat, 2 levels up and you have the CEO, really, I pretty much need not give any input. Well I'm not brilliant enough to sync thoughts with everyone else, which makes it all the more sucky.

If I weren't nicer I probably don't have to upkeep that nice accommodating attitude which if I lose would probably put me in a worse position because... ... well isn't it scary if someone's attitude just flips out of a sudden? Which I wish wasn't an issue to me.

Why am I nice? I should not be! I never was anyway!

8:47:00 午後

月曜日, 5月 06, 2013

I could be a Bieber fan, no fever yet though. I keep playing his songs (and repeat yes the full album) when I study or when I am not. Maybe it's just his 'Believe' acoustic album. Any song that is acoustic is unobtrusive it is so you can keep it on replay and not get tired. But you can get bored on acoustic songs...I like his songs. I have been listening to Mars' songs as well.

It's quite disappointing that I have not gotten an update on the status of my university application. Really, I'd be taken aback if my application was rejected. I might just drive my dad's car right into the university to demand an explanation on the rejection. No, I don't have a driving licence.

Chloe is flying to Korea for like 10 days. Freaking envious. I realized that something is just wrong with my lifestyle. How is it that others can travel so much and I can't seem to be able to picture myself anytime soon? I keep believing that work and studies are in the way. I hope it's a lame excuse and that I find a way out of this stupid mindset.

I~know it's never gonna be that easy
But I~ know that you wanted us to try.

11:12:00 午後

About Me


Image conscious HOMOSAPIEN who blogs about life's triumphs, quirks, and tragedies for the mental to read or at least those who read are mental. Either way she blogs for all she cares because she loves it.

Currently, utterly confused about...everything?





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